Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
