Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
