I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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