I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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