so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
