ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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