I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
