why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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