If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize