BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize