I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
