Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
