It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
