I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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