I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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