David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
