Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
