So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
