just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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