I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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