Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
