I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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