I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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