Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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