I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
