He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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