my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
