at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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