I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
