One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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