between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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