I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
