that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
