i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
