Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
