In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
