I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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