you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
