I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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