I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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