You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
