No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
