Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
