i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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