therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just used a chaser for red wine.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
