a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
