Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she told me i tasted like america
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i came on her dog
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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