You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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