I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
