Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
