very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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