I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
