Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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