U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
