But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
