basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
