I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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