if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
