We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish there were birth control emojis
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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