I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
