why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
