I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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