; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
