It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
