You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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