fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
