did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
