I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
