'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
