oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
