I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
