Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
