Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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