It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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